What would it be like to consistently enjoy the ease of clear, insightful thinking? What would it be like to feel calm and to make intelligent decisions in stressful situations? The quality that supports this kind of experience is called wisdom. In the Buddhist tradition the development of wisdom is said to arise from the ability to see things as they really are, not as they appear to be. We can think of this type of discriminative awareness as a state of mindfulness in which one is fully present, lucid, and free from the consequences engendered by habitual responsive patterns and knee-jerk reactions. Here is a beautiful example of seeing things as they really are: during World War II, when housing was in short supply, a kindly lady said to a five-year-old, "I'm sorry your family doesn't have a home." The child answered, "Oh, we have a home. We just don't have a house to put it in."
Wisdom is not learned from books or teachers, valuable though they may be. Wisdom is learned through personal experience, which is why we tend to associate it with older people-those who have been around longer and had more life experiences. However, I've met a few people who exhibited signs of wisdom at an early age, and I've certainly known some old fools. Unfortunately, wisdom is often attained only after paying a hefty price. Confucius said, "By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is the noblest; second, by imitation, which is the easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest."
Wisdom enables us to see beyond ego and to gain clarity where there might otherwise be confusion. Wisdom is free from greed, hatred, and delusion. Wisdom sees that taking the same action over and over again and expecting the results to be different is a form of insanity. Through the eyes of wisdom we look at history and see that if war was the way to peace, we would have had a world at peace a very long time ago. We have tried war time and again through the millennia, and we still do not live in a world at peace. We can look at our personal history the same way. When we have been in conflict with others, has it brought inner peace? Wisdom invites us to explore other ways when our current approach is not working. Wisdom asks us to consider what the Buddha referred to as The Eternal Law: "Hatred does not cease by hatred, by love alone does hatred cease." (Dhammapada 5)
Most of us tend to look at the people and conditions outside ourselves to provide our happiness. Yet the reality is that if we cannot find happiness within ourselves, we cannot find happiness anywhere. Our quality of life is determined not by the people and events in our lives but by how we experience those people and events. All that we are is the result of our thoughts-with our thoughts, we make our world.
The Buddha taught that all phenomena arise due to the causes and conditions that precede and accompany them. In other words, all events, all feelings, all situations are born, and likewise pass away, due to the concurrence of accompanying factors. Nothing exists by itself; everything exists in relation to everything else. Understanding and accepting the interdependent nature of all things lays the groundwork for the arising of wisdom. It is a vital element in seeing things as they really are. It is also wise to remember that it is the nature of a rosebush to produce roses. If we want lilies to appear, we will be disappointed. How often are we hurt when a friend or relative reacts in the same way he always has and not in the way we would want?
Holding on to negative feelings hardens the heart and closes us off from the happiness that can be ours, even during difficult times. When we hold on to anger because of what we feel another person has done, we are not being wise. When we allow ourselves to become bitter because we are in a difficult situation that we feel can never change, we are again not being wise. However, when we see that any situation can, and will, change, we are seeing things as they really are, and that is the ground of wisdom. It is also wise to do what we can to encourage the change within ourselves that will free us from anger, resentment, and bitterness. As mentioned previously, it is not situations and conditions that cause our happiness and unhappiness but how we experience those situations. When we see this clearly we can think, speak, and act in ways that relieve sorrow and misery and lead to greater happiness for ourselves and those around us.
Near the end of the Buddha's life, his attendant Ananda asked who would be their teacher when the Buddha passed away. The Buddha replied that each person must be a lamp unto themselves, meaning that each of us must learn to see the true nature of things. That is the essence of wisdom-to see and understand for ourselves how things really are. The development of wisdom requires an open mind and the ability to listen to views that are different from our own, to be objective rather than knowing, and to be open to changing our views when truth contradicts them.
Pocket Practice: Consider how your discomfort with a particular situation might be eased by accepting things as they are.
Suffering usually relates to wanting things to be different than the way they are. Sit quietly, close your eyes, and open the spaciousness of mind and heart needed for a change of perspective. Remind yourself that even if a particularly difficult situation you are now confronting seems insurmountable, it is not fixed and solid. It will change. If after contemplating in this way for a few sessions you conclude that the situation is unacceptable, you should be better able to explore your options in a calmer and more compassionate manner.
Pocket Practice: When the words or actions of another elicit anger within you, stop before reacting and ask yourself, Am I about to speak and act as the person I want to be?
Even the wisest among us can become angry, but the wise wait to speak or act until the fires have cooled. Do nothing until you have asked yourself if you are about to respond as the person you want to be. Take your time. Then speak or act accordingly.
By Allan Lokos, from Pocket Peace: Effective Practices for Enlightened Living
(Tarcher/Penguin, 2010)
Allan's new book, Patience: The Art of Peaceful Living, will be published by Tarcher/Penguin 1/5/2012.
